HAILEYSTONES| The Death of Friendship Part 2

HAVING a falling out with a friend isn’t fun. In fact, it’s downright awful.

A lot about getting older is having to say no to things that aren’t right for you, and the same is true in friendships. There are so many things that a person can put up with, but sometimes you just reach your limit. I had just about reached mine.

It stinks having to stick to your guns about it, especially when you still share the same barkada. Hanging out as a group becomes awkward, and the other friendships end up suffering as a result. Not to mention the fact that I have five close friends who have birthdays in April.

Part of why I had to let the friendship go was because she was causing me too much drama in my life. A lot of her problems seem to be caused by her, but she somehow can’t see it. She seems to live a secret life that parents don’t seem to know about. Even when she argues with her boyfriend — when she isn’t even supposed to have a boyfriend — I end up having to fix it.

I was watching an episode of Modern Family where Clare is the one who ends up fixing all her kids’ problems, and when Phil, their Dad, tries to fix it in her stead, it all becomes flat. It was hilarious, and in he end, Phil resorts to using Clare’s style of crisis management, set to The Godfather-esque theme music.

The thing is, however, they are parents. I wasn’t her parent and yet I was fixing up everything for her. It all became too much. What was sad to me was the fact that she hides a lot of things from her parents, like failed classes and past boyfriends. It’s hard when you can’t open up to your family, and I guess she was feeling the stress.

There isn’t much that I want to talk about it, and I don’t really want to explain because I don’t think that there’s anything that anyone can do to fix it. I’m still angry for a lot of the stuff that happened, but I am much more sad that it took me so long to realize it. I guess that’s true for a lot of us. Who has stayed far too long in a relationship that has become toxic, romantic or otherwise?

It was a wake-up call, and it made me want to live a more honest, authentic life. We spend so much time trying to appease other people, and picking them up when they’re down, that we end up being sucked into their own problems. By no means am I suggesting that you abandon your friends when they need you. If they keep falling apart too often for the same reasons, however, it is time to reevaluate.

The shocking thing is that I don’t miss her, at least, not in the way that I thought I would. Maybe, someday, the happy memories will resurface. Upon reflection, however, I noticed really unhealthy patterns that I was more than happy to get rid of. Her friendship was just no longer worth the trouble, because she refuses to learn from her own mistakes. My peace of mind matters more to me now than anything else, and I just wasn’t happy being around her anymore. Owing her an explanation will come later, when I’m no longer upset.

How far can a friendship go before you end up getting the short end of the stick? I just realized that even I have limits. It’s sad, but sometimes people just grow apart. When one person refuses to grow, you can’t just stay there. I know I made the right choice, because I’m much happier without her. I just wish it wouldn’t suck so much.

Posted in Opinion