MOST PEOPLE think that, because you’re a girl and in a serious relationship, then you automatically have an image of your dream wedding in your mind. There is literally so much hype around putting a ring on it that there are people doing pre-nuptial shoots and engagement shoots and photos before and after the ceremony. They want it on video. They end up preserving their bouquets and comparing the sizes of their engagement rings to friends.

It’s not even that I’m opposed to the thought, but people assume that it’s something that girls think about a lot. For example, so many people are obsessed with wedding videos. Heck, I happen to think that they’re pretty. The people in them seem to be really happy. Everyone’s seen those Instagram clips of the Marian-Dingdong wedding, and or even Yeng Constantino’s wedding where she looks like Elsa from Frozen. There’s a lot of white in them, and a lot of sappy speeches. I didn’t even have to lot into my Facebook to see this. It’s everywhere on the news. I can’t turn on the TV without hearing about why Heart’ Evangelista’s parents didn’t go to her wedding to Chiz Escudero.

I always end up having a lot of questions about stuff like that, though. I can’t imagine the cost of having a wedding as huge as the ones you see in the media. The thought of having so much crinoline and taffeta makes me want to scratch myself, and not in a good way. Is it really that important to have weddings be made into such a huge, head-turning affair?

Relationships are hard enough. It’s not easy to deal with another person’s issues on a daily basis, much less think of what sort of gown you’re going to wear. A lot of the relationships I see around me seem to revolve around just having a big wedding, and not at all about what happens after. I always worry about that. So many couples split up, because being in love doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work out.

There are no shortcuts to being together forever. In all of the relationships that I’ve been in, I always find myself drawn to people who share the same internal struggle as I do. It’s always about not being good enough, being scared to disappoint people, and about not being enough. It’s weird, this attraction to people who appear to be like us. Sometimes that’s not healthy, when you’re not in a good space in your life and you end up being with people like you.

Almost everyone in my group of friends has a boyfriend now, so we all get together and share the same struggles. I mean, boyfriends are great most of the time, but you need to be able to have your own time too. It’s interesting to see other relationships that are unlike your own and have their own struggles, and being able to see and learn from that. It’s actually a relief to not have to go through some of the stuff they experience. I have a friend who was cheated on several times during the course of her relationships and that has affected her self-esteem badly.

Stuff like that just makes me want to look at all these wedding videos clearly and think clearly about how much crap they go through to get there. I can even understand now why some couples wait decades to get married, because it’s not a decision that you make lightly. It’s not even that they don’t love each other, because I see that they do.

But it would take the patience of a thousand saints, probably, to be able to take that leap of faith. As much as I love David now, I can’t even think about it. I’m not there yet, and it seems weird to me to know of people who emphasize that sort of stuff in a relationship right away. It’s not something I think about, and it’s not something my friends think about. At this point I’m probably just cheap, but it’s just better to think about it when I get there . . . which is not anytime soon.

Posted in Opinion